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How To Ask For What You Want… And Get It! 4-Step System (Part 1) (+ Free Printable Worksheet!)

“Ask for what you want….and get it.”

Sounds simple, but for so many of us it’s not easy at all.

Why is that?

Let’s break it down.

There are 2 parts to that statement, and they are:

• Asking for what you want

• Getting it

Let’s take a deeper look into each part.

Asking For What You Want…..

Let’s start with the fact that you DO have to ask for what you want.

It’s easy to be in denial about this - It’s tempting to think “So-and-so should already know what I want.”

It would be nice if people could read your mind and know what you want before you even say anything.

When we expect others to read our minds, we are in effect denying our own desires and expecting someone else to take responsibility for our happiness and satisfaction.

When we deny our desires, they tend to find their way out in anger and frustration. Or worse, our desires turn against us in the form of overeating, overmedicating, over-drinking or other addictive behaviors.

In the journey that you’re on toward getting what you want, what you’re actually trying to do is to take personal responsibility for everything that you experience in every area of your life - instead of making others responsible for you.

Why is this important?

Because taking personal responsibility is important to experiencing the freedom you want to experience - in your life... in your career and in your business.

When you are dependent on others to figure out what you want, you are creating an experience of never knowing if you’re going to be fulfilled - or not.

That creates strong feelings of anxiety and worry.

These feelings are the opposite of what you’re looking to create in yourself.

You want to create feelings of freedom, of fulfillment, of security, of satisfaction. And that is not possible when you place your ability to get what you want and need in the hands of others.

So here’s what I want you to realize…...

Nothing changes until you change.

And… You can’t change anyone else; only yourself.

So the first step in asking for what you want in the 4-step system is…

Step #1: Accept personal responsibility for your desires - in every area of your life. (YOU are the creator of your results.)

Now, once you’ve accepted personal responsibility, then then next step to take is to…

STEP #2: Answer honestly for yourself the question “What do you desire?”

On the outside, this is a simple question.

But in truth, this is the #1 hardest question for most people to answer.

Why is that?

Anytime women in particular desire something, we feel this deep shame and guilt. Guilt for doing something bad and shame for being bad.

There’s a way in which we, as women, FEAR our desires. We see them as something dangerous, something that must be controlled.

Society enforces women’s collective fear of desires:

• If you love sex, then you’re a whore

• If you love food, then you’re a glutton and you’ll get fat (you’ll suffer)

• If you love money, then you’re greedy and a terrible person.

So the question “What do you desire?” is NOT a simple question at all.

It’s a question that we’ve found many ways to dance around, like:

• Talking ourselves out of what we really desire using justifications like:

  • “Now’s not the right time”

  • “It will cost too much”

  • “I will have to give up something else to get what I want and it’s just not worth it"

  • "I’m just too old"... “I’m too young - people won’t take me seriously”

• Looking to outside sources for permission to have what we want or we allow them to be the decision-makers of our lives

Human Excuses:

  • “I can’t because of my kids…..”

  • “I can’t because of my spouse…..”

  • “I can’t because of my boss….”

Money Excuses:

  • “I don’t get to have what I want because I haven’t achieved some level of status or income yet”

  • “If I had the money, then I could _______” (vs “what am I willing to do to create the money?”)

• Automatically assuming we won’t get what we desire

  • Before we even allow ourselves to want something, we feel that we’ll never be able to have it

  • Or we get anxiety without ever trying to go for what we want

It’s so painful to feel like we can’t get what we want that we DENY wanting it in the first place.

This happens so subtly; you may even deny that you’ve denied your desire!

When we shut down our desires, we close off our opportunity to feel fulfilled, which is part of our life purpose - to feel fulfilled.

What if your desires were actually pointing you in the direction of your life’s purpose?

What if your desires were the golden ticket that will make you feel fulfilled, satisfied, secure and free... all of which you are searching for?


Let’s take a moment to discover what it is that YOU desire.

To do so, download the worksheet below titled “Desire List.”

It’s designed to help answer this difficult question - you’ll notice it starts with brainstorming what’s going well, so you're appreciating the present. Then it moves on to what is not going well, and what you’d like to experience instead.

Talk to Me:

Leave a comment and let me know….what did you discover about yourself in the Desire List exercise that surprised you?


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Hey, I'm Shawna!

High-achieving female entrepreneurs, career professionals, bloggers and creative hustlers hire me to help them break through their fears and lack of self-confidence that hold them back from achieving their goals, so they can feel more secure in their life, career and business! 

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